The Day Came

I came on to write a new post and realized my last one was about the day we had to have a growth removed from Ruby's lip. I wrote about how hard it was going to be to let her go when the day came, even though I was ready to not have a dog. Well, the day finally came. After her surgery it seemed like Ruby went downhill fast. She started having bladder problems, more hip problems, drinking a lot more (sign of cancer), and just wasn't acting like herself. She was falling as she went out the door and even sometimes slipping and falling as she was walking through the house. She wasn't wanting to play with the kids outside. She wasn't even hearing us until a really loud noise happened right by her. So, we made the very tough decision to have her put down yesterday. We didn't want her to get to the point that she was suffering (any more than she was already) and we wanted to remember her in a generally good condition. We sat the kids down and told them what was going to happen. As I watched I could tell that Lydia was trying hard not to cry so I motioned for her to come over to me. Immediately she fell into my arms and started bawling. Grace got up and came over and did the same thing. I cried along with them. Levi came over and hugged the girls. I don't think he knew how to react. Michael right away started planning a tombstone. When we got ready to leave about 10:30 I had the kids tell Ruby goodbye. The girls walked out crying. The boys just went on their way. I waited till they were out and then told her goodbye. Of course, I had a hard time looking at her and not feeling bad, but I knew it would be better for her. I walked out crying, but tried to control it as I got in the van. It was a tough day as the kids and I were gone all day. Paul text me later to let me know that it was done. I was ok most of the day until I thought about how they actually did it and about Paul being there with her as she went. We have talked about it so much in the last few months that it is just hard to believe that she is actually gone. It has been really hard being home today and her not being here. I find myself turning around expecting her to be right there. I think Paul and I are having a harder time than the kids because we got Ruby before we had any of the kids. We will get through this and we will be fine, but I do want to apologize if I ever came across as insensitive to anyone that has lost a pet. I did not realize how difficult it was.

Now, I also have to add to this some things I have been thinking about through this. Yesterday, as I thought about how it was actually done and thinking about Paul standing there watching her go, it made me think about what Christ went through for us. I think it is so easy for us to know that Christ died for us on the cross, but how often do we actually think about the pain and agony he went through. I don't think Ruby felt pain, but it was thinking about the actual procedure that made me upset. When I think about the physical and emotional pain that Christ went through for me it makes me upset in the same way. As I think about the nails piercing his hands and feet and thorns piercing his head it makes me appreciate it more of what he did. He felt the pain of being separated from His Father and the weight of all our sins bearing down on Him. I pray that each day I will remember what Christ actually went through for me so that I can live my life growing closer to Him and trying to be like Him and eventually getting to spend eternity with Him.