ON MY OWN

Paul started mowing the yard in the late afternoon. He was able to mow the front yard, both sides and about a quarter of the back yard before supper was ready. After supper he looked at me and said “do you want to mow the rest of the yard or give the kids their baths?” I first said neither because I wanted to finish a sewing project I had started. But, I told him I would mow the yard. I used to love to do it for my dad and I miss being able to do it. So, I got my tennis shoes on and went out to finish the back yard. Not long after I started I was wondering why I had chosen to mow rather than do baths! I didn't remember it being that hard last year when I did it. I almost gave up after doing about a quarter of the yard and was going to go finish baths so Paul could finish the yard. I instead told myself I could do it, I just wasn't used to it. So, I kept going. I also realized I got the part of the yard that has the “forest”, bushes and stand alone trees, which means a lot of trimming and not just a straight line. But, I kept going. Finally, I was a little more than half-way done and I decided I needed to stop to go get a drink of water. If I didn't I wasn't going to be able to finish the rest of the yard. Oh, and by the way, I was using a push mower...just so you don't think I can't handle riding around the yard. And it is one that you have to hold the bar on the top of the handle down or the mower won't run.

Anyway, I went in and got a drink. As I got back out to the mower, I realized there was a bar on the bottom of the handle also and it all the sudden dawns on me THIS MOWER IS A SELF-PROPELLED MOWER! Wow! When I pulled that bar up the mower really went and it was much easier! If it hadn't been for that I don't think I could have finished mowing the yard. I was just getting too worn out and it was getting hard on my legs, back, arms, neck...ok my whole body!

As I finished up the yard I was thinking about how many times I try to do things on my own. I try to parent my kids without seeking God's wisdom. I want to fix other people's problems without asking God if I should be helping or just listening. I forget to ask for help when I just need some strength to make it through the day. I try to love others on my own without asking for God to show His love through me. I might think to ask for help once my ways have failed, but wouldn't it be so much easier if I would just ask from the start? How bout you? Have you been trying to “push the mower” without the self-propel bar? “Pull that bar” up and ask God to help you!

“‘Not by might nor by power, but by My Spirit,’ Says the Lord of hosts.” (Zech. 4:6)

I'M NOT SUPERWOMAN!!

I know that title is really a shock for some of you to see. I can't do everything. Sometimes I fail at things. And I most definitely CANNOT fly! Now that last point is not hard for me to understand. I don't have wings. I wasn't made to fly. The other two points I have a hard time understanding. I sometimes, ok usually, think I can do everything and that I will never fail at anything. This is just so NOT true! I CAN'T do everything. I don't have the time or ability TO DO everything. You know that story that talks about “anybody” could do it and “somebody” should do it, but it ends up “nobody” does it? Well, I can't let “nobody” do it. I HAVE to do it, because it HAS to be done! So, then I overwhelm myself with all this stuff to do and then I FAIL because I can't do it all! Oh, what a vicious web I weave myself!

As I said, I still have a hard time understanding that I can't do it all and that I will sometimes fail. But, recently I have failed once again. I have failed at loving people. And I'm not just talking about those hard to love people. I have failed to love those that are around me daily, weekly, and that should be easy for me to love. I have failed to show them that I love them. I have taken them for granted. I have used my life and the things going on as an excuse as to why I haven't shown them love. I HAVE FAILED!

So, how do I move on from here? Well, I have to pick myself up, dust off the dirt of failure and then move on. I have to start now to show them that I love them. Can I do this alone? NO! (Philippians 4:13)

The other day Lydia said to me, “When you and Daddy stop loving me God will still love me. And if God stops loving me then you and Daddy will still love me”. Well, I had to correct that. I said “No, honey, Daddy and I will always love you, but if for some reason we are not here to love you God will always love you. God can never stop loving you because He is love!” I know she doesn't fully understand that. I don't think I fully understand it. How can God BE love?

Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. He who does not love does not know God, for God is love. In this the love of God was manifested toward us, that God has sent His only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through Him. In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has seen God at any time. If we love one another, God abides in us, and His love has been perfected in us. By this we know that we abide in Him, and He in us, because He has given us of His Spirit. And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent the Son as Savior of the world. Whoever confesses that Jesus is the Son of God, God abides in him, and he in God. And we have known and believed the love that God has for us. God is love, and he who abides in love abides in God, and God in him. Love has been perfected among us in this: that we may have boldness in the day of judgment; because as He is, so are we in this world. There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love. We love Him because He first loved us. If someone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen, how can he love God whom he has not seen? And this commandment we have from Him: that he who loves God must love his brother also. I John 4:7-21

Yes, God tells us to love our enemies, the ones that are hard to love, but here He is telling us to love our brother. This means we are to love those around us. The ones we are close to. The ones that should know we love them. If we say it, but don't show it to them then do they really know that we love them?

As a ladies group we did a whole study last year on being an abiding woman and not a superwoman. I guess I still have some learning to do. I pray that as God helps me to move forward as a wife, mother, pastor's wife and mostly as a Christian, that I will continue to abide in Him and in doing so that others will be able to see His love through me.