I Just Have the Title of "Pastor's Wife"

I have read articles that are titled "10 things not to say to your pastor's wife" or "10 things to do to encourage your pastor's wife", etc. I always enjoy reading them even if I can't completely relate to them. Sometimes they mention mean things that have been said or done to a pastor's wife that I have not had said or done to me.

Sometimes the bad thing about reading these articles is that I start feeling like I am different from any other lady in my church. I learned a new lesson at church this past week. It was like an "ah-ha" moment. First, I sat down before Sunday school started. Hardly anyone was there yet. As the people started coming in, I realized I was sitting at a table of 4 by myself. The other tables were all filling up, but here I was sitting alone. At first, it hit me that I was lonely. I don't get to sit with my husband during Sunday school or church and here I was sitting all alone. Sunday school started and I was still alone. I started feeling sorry for myself, but quickly caught myself and tried making myself focus on the lesson. A little bit after Sunday school started a dad and daughter came in and they sat by me....maybe because it was the closest table with seats or maybe they really wanted to sit there. Whatever the case it didn't really matter...I was not going to let myself feel sorry for myself.

Then after Sunday school I went upstairs for the morning service. I again was sitting by myself except for two of my kids. The other two kids were sitting with other people. I was sitting in the very last row since we have recently started keeping our youngest child in the service. I again started looking around and started feeling sorry for myself because I was feeling lonely. I again quickly started changing my attitude about it. When I looked around again I realized we have many ladies (and a couple men) that are at church alone. Either they are never married, widowed, divorced or their spouse doesn't come to church. I realized I probably wasn't the only one feeling lonely. These ladies (and guys) may be feeling lonely too (or at times do). So, my thoughts started going to "what can I do to help them not feel lonely?".

I also realized I am no one special. I am just like any other Christian woman in this church. Yes, I've known that before, but like I said, this was an "ah-ha" moment. Instead of feeling sorry for myself that no one was reaching out to me, it made me realize I need to be reaching out to these ladies more too. Now there may be expectations that I still put on myself or others may put on me, but I am going to try to remind myself I am no one special in the church, I am just another Christian lady.

But, then what does that mean? Does that mean I just sit back and don't do anything? Of course not! It means I do what God has called me to do. It means I take care of my home, my husband, my kids and I reach out to those around me to encourage them. No, I can't do everything, but I can do what GOD expects me to do, not what others (including myself) expect.

And before anyone corrects me....yes, I AM someone special because I am God's child, but I am no more special than the person next to me that is God's child. And that is why I just have the TITLE pastor's wife.

Where Is My Confidence?

Confidence is "the feeling or belief that one can rely on someone or something; firm trust"

I taught a Sunday school lesson a couple months ago that asked, "did you check the chair you're sitting in this morning before you sat down?" If you are sitting down while you are reading this, I ask you the same thing. Did you turn the chair over and check all the screws to make sure there were none loose? Or did you wiggle the chair to make sure the legs weren't broken? Did you shake the back to make sure the back of the chair wouldn't fall off when you leaned back? Most likely, you answered no to those questions. When we sit down we don't check the chair every time. We just have confidence that it is a chair, it was made for sitting in, and it will hold us.

Psalm 118:8-9 says, "It is better to trust in the Lord than to put confidence in man. It is better to trust in the Lord than to put confidence in princes." The writer doesn't just say it is better to put your trust in the Lord than just a regular, ole' man, but that it is better than even putting trust in a prince/ruler. Even the ruler is going to have limitations. The Lord is the only one that can help us through whatever we may face. Proverbs 25:19 even compares it to a toothache and a sprained ankle..."Confidence in an unfaithful man in time of trouble is like a bad tooth and a foot out of joint". The Bible makes it very clear that we are not to trust in man, but we are to put our trust, our confidence, in Christ. Not just a one time thing, as in our salvation, but constantly.

Where are you putting your confidence in today? Are you putting it in your husband/wife? In your children? In a friend? In a co-worker? In yourself?

The days I think I can do it all on my own are the days that usually end up not going in any way that I planned and may even end up being a "bad" day. When I put my confidence in Christ and what He is going to do with our day, it tends to go much better. I am not disappointed with my husband, children, friends, or myself when I have my confidence in God providing what I need for the day.

Have you ever watched from the sidelines as a Christian friend went through a hard time? How did they handle the situation? In thinking about confidence in Christ I thought of 3 different families that really showed this or are showing this now as they go through struggles. I watched as my sister-in-law's marriage fell apart. At first, I will admit, I thought she was in denial. She was handling it so well and really relying on God and what He wanted for her life. I just kept thinking, "one day, it's going to hit her and she is going to break down....reality will set in". Now, I'm not saying she didn't struggle or have tough days, but what I witnessed was her confidence in knowing God was going to provide for her and that one day her husband would be judged...God would take care of him, she didn't have to. Then I watched from the sidelines as a friend and fellow pastor's wife was told that the child she was pregnant with had something wrong and may not live through the pregnancy or would die shortly after. Of course, the doctors offered to terminate the pregnancy, but my friend declined. She would love that baby no matter what. Again, I'm not saying she didn't have difficult days, but she carried the baby all the way and he was born alive. They have changed the diagnosis so many times and I'm not sure that the doctors actually know what it is, but that baby just celebrated his 2nd birthday! I'm sure my friend still has hard days, trying to take care of this little boy plus her other 6 children, and homeschool, and is still a pastor's (and military) wife. Again, what I have witnessed from the sidelines is her confidence is in the Lord. She looks for opportunities to witness when they are at the hospital and uses their life to show others what Christ has done for them. Then most recently, as I have mentioned them before, our friends that we met in Pennsylvania are now in Florida and their son was in a tubing accident. As he is still recovering and continuing to gain strength through physical therapy, we have continued to see their confidence in what God is doing with him and through him. So many people have been touched by this young man and the determination he has to get better. Even in him I see the confidence he has in the Lord and praise God that he is able to have that confidence as he fights. Again, I'm sure they have had tough days as the dad is still pastoring, and they have two other boys, and all the traveling they have to do back and forth to take care of everything, but what I have seen is confidence in the Lord. Each time they give an update on their son, the end of the update will say "God is God, and He is good!"

When I think about each of these situations I realize how easily they could have fallen into depression or other feelings that the world would say was ok in their situation. Instead they showed that their confidence was already in the Lord and not in their husband or children or themselves.

I have seen the following verses in a couple different places this week. I thought I would share them because they show what we are not when we have our confidence in the right place.

We are hard-pressed on every side, yet not crushed:

we are perplexed, but not in despair;

persecuted, but not forsaken;

struck down, but not destroyed --

always carrying about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus,

that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body.

 

2 Corinthians 4:8-9

Am I Compassionate?

“We know that compassion means taking pity on the condition of others. To be compassionate is to be merciful, to be filled with sympathy and mercy. Compassion cares. In fact, it cares deeply. And it prays, thinks, searches, and seeks to help those in need with what they need. And it does the work required to give the care, even when tired, even late into the night, even all night. It stems from genuine concern for the sufferings or misfortunes of others.”

As I thought about compassion I realized it was easier for me to feel compassion toward people I didn't know, or didn't know well, rather than toward my own family. I can feel compassion toward a family that I knew over 10 years ago that is going through a trying time right now after their son was involved in an accident. I can feel compassion toward a family I've never met that is adopting special needs kids. I can feel compassion toward the mom I see in the library struggling with her little kids. But, do I feel compassion for my own family when they are hurt, sick, or just having a bad day? Why does it seem harder to show compassion toward those we are around every day?

It is said many times in Scripture that Jesus was “moved with compassion”. It is usually used toward someone that is sick or needs to be healed in some way. In Mark 6:30-3, Jesus showed compassion toward his apostles, the ones that were with him, ministering with him, every day. It doesn't use this phrase, but as the apostles are gathering together and telling Jesus all that they have been doing (they have been busy) and all they had taught, Jesus comes along side them and says “Come aside by yourselves to a deserted place and rest a while.” It goes on to say that the apostles had been so busy with so many people that they hadn't even eaten. Here the apostles had been showing compassion for so many people that they weren't thinking about themselves at all. Jesus showed compassion and offered them to rest. He told them to get in a boat and go to a deserted place. This was a great plan, but if you read on in the story you'll see that the multitude of people saw that they were leaving and they ran to the cities and beat the apostles and Jesus there. But, read on to verse 34 and it says “And Jesus, when He came out, saw a great multitude and was moved with compassion for them, because they were like sheep not having a shepherd. So He began to teach them many things.” (emphasis added) I read this and my selfish, fleshly mind says “well He didn't really have compassion for them. Here He told them to get away so they could rest, but as soon as someone was there needing help He put them to work”. But, as I read this more, I don't see anywhere that it says the apostles complained or whined about helping these people. I know later in the chapter when they suggest that Jesus send the people away that some people look at that as they are tired of them and want them to go. As Elizabeth George points out in her book, the disciples weren't trying to push the people away. They realized this was a deserted place and there was no food there. The disciples were tired and hungry themselves, but they were showing compassion toward the other people. They knew these people needed to go home so they could eat.

If you go on in the passage you see in verse 45 you see that Jesus did send the disciples away in a boat again. He sent them on ahead so He could send the multitude away. Then He took the time alone to pray. He then saw that the boat was struggling against the wind. He could have just calmed the wind from the shore, but He walked out onto the water to the boat so that His disciples could understand His deity. He had compassion toward his disciples enough that He not only took care of them, but He wanted them to know who He really was.

If I follow Jesus as my example, then even when I'm tired, hungry and just feel like I'm at the end of my rope, I can still show compassion to those around me. I need to also remember that my strength comes from the Lord! 

Am I Available?

Are you available? Last time I talked about being approachable. Elizabeth makes the distinction of approachability and availability in this way...."Approachability has the idea of a passive, friendly attitude....Availability has a more active posture. It often takes the initiative to reach out. The available person is a ready person, prepared and eager to respond when she believes she can help and has something to give."

Do you have a mentor? Someone that is helping you grow as a Christian? Over the years I have prayed at different times that God would send someone to me that would be a mentor to me. Most of those times he has ended up sending someone my direction that I was able to mentor. I do think I probably learned more in that way than if someone would have been mentoring me. Even when we don't have a mentor, we still have the ultimate mentor and example in Jesus. "No one is more available than He is. He is ever-present."

I ask about a mentor because in order to be a mentor you have to be available. Jesus is our perfect example of everything. He is definitely the one we should look to about being available. Even when Jesus was busy with one thing he was always available for whatever else came up. Being available is demanding. Even Jesus had to take times of rest and refresh so he could still be available to others. Elizabeth asks in her book if you sometimes feel by the end of the day that everyone has been looking for you and needing your help. There are times I feel that way as soon as my feet hit the floor. As I said Jesus even needed times of rest, but He also was an early riser and refreshed each morning by talking to His Father. He found a quiet spot and would get His direction for each day from God. I can't say I'm the best to be writing about that part. If you know me at all, you know I am NOT a morning person. Most mornings the kids are awake by 6 or shortly after, but they are not allowed to come out of their rooms until 7. Most mornings I am not even out of bed by the time they come out of their rooms. Oh I have tried time and time again to get up early, but something always discourages me and I give up within a day or two. I know this post isn't about getting up early, but if I want to be able to be available to others during the day, but not get overwhelmed and exhausted then I need to be spending the time with my Heavenly Father so I know what HE wants me to do each day so I can be available to the ones that do need me. If pray refreshed Jesus then it will refresh me. As Elizabeth points out, "It's right and it's Christlike to be available, but you can't go every place or minister to every need. So make sure you get clear direction for each new day. Start by praying. Like Jesus, check in with the Father for His lead. Then begin at home by being available to your family."

That last part really gets me. I can say to myself, "I am home all day. Of course I'm available to my family." But, am I really available to them or am I just doing the things that I think need to be done? When someone wants a book read to them or to play a game or just listen to something they have to say, do I give them my full attention? My home, my family, is my first ministry right now. Do they know that I am available for them?

I thought it was funny when Elizabeth says in the book, "Life and ministry are never simple. That's because people are involved. Maybe if you cloistered yourself in a monastery somewhere, things might be much simpler." I had to laugh because she is so right. It's not easy. And there have been times I have just wanted to run away and be alone. An island with no one else around, no busyness, no interruptions and distractions. But, I know me....I wouldn't be able to handle the quiet for long. I would eventually get lonely and want someone to talk to. So, I guess I just have to deal with people. :-) But, God also didn't want us to just go off and be alone. What good would that do to build His Kingdom? How could I help others and tell others about Christ if I was all alone? "To be blessed --and a blessing--be available."

There are people all around that just need someone to listen to them. They need a caring heart to give them a kind word. They are just looking for someone to sympathize with them. These are the people that we need to be reaching out to, to be available to. We never know when a relationship starts what will come of it. Maybe it will end terribly, but what if it ends with that person starting a relationship with Christ. Yes, it can be draining to be available just to hear someone talk about how "bad" their life is, but maybe listening to them will help them see Christ. And maybe they will eventually see the one that can really help them. We need to be the ones that are asking God how we can be available. Elizabeth closes the chapter with this...."Prayer is the perfect place to start! Ask God to open your heart, your eyes, and your ears -- maybe even your wallet-- to others. Make it a daily goal to be friendly, to smile, to be ready and available to reflect the big heart of Jesus."

Going back to the beginning....do you have a mentor? Are you a mentor for someone else? If you're not, I encourage you to ask God to bring someone into your life that you can be available to. Whether it's your own kids, a neighbor, a friend or someone you haven't even met yet. Like I said, we are dealing with people so sometimes it may not work out in the end like you hope, but all we can pray for is that God will use us in someone else's life so that they can see Him.

Am I Approachable?

I have started reading a book by Elizabeth George called "A Woman Who Reflects the Heart of Jesus - 30 Days to Christlike Character". I decided there was a lot to go through in just 30 days and if I really wanted to meditate on each character trait then I would need to take longer. I am going to try to do 30 weeks to Christlike Character.

"Jesus is not some celestial untouchable superstar. He's a person who has lived where we live, faced what we face, and felt what we feel. That's why we can look to Him as a model of Christian behavior." I think it is sometimes hard to remember that Jesus did live on this earth and even though He still had his divine nature he also felt and experienced things as any human does.

It is so easy these days to "talk" to someone if we want to. We can call, text, e-mail, post, tweet and yes, we can still even send letters. Sometimes when we want to talk to someone (like customer service to take care of a problem) we can't reach the person we need. God is not like that. He is available 24/7. As a child of God, I can be in His presence any time I want. I can approach God any time I want. He is never too busy for me.

"He (Jesus) never seemed to allow what was urgent to get in the way of what was important." Elizabeth uses the events of Mark 2:1-5 to demonstrate how Jesus modeled this. This is the time that Jesus was preaching to a packed house and some friends of a paralytic man brought him to the house to be healed. Jesus didn't get mad at the men. He could have told them He was busy and didn't have time for this man. He was preaching to these people and it was "time" for that. He had an urgent message for these people. It wasn't time for Him to heal this man. But, He didn't react that way. He stopped His preaching and healed the man.

When I think about doing what is urgent or what is important, I think about the events of Luke 10-38-42, when Jesus visited Mary and Martha. Martha was busy doing what was urgent - the cooking, cleaning, hostessing. But, Mary chose to do what was important. She chose to sit at the feet of Jesus and listen to His teaching. I find myself, most days, being more like Martha than Mary. I busy myself with the things that I think are urgent and need to be done, but I tend to neglect the important things - spending time with God, my husband, my kids and others that I can be reaching out to and ministering to.

"From the story of the paralytic and his friends, who made sure he had an opportunity to meet with Jesus, and from numerous other instances in the Gospels, Jesus teaches His followers to be careful not to allow crowds, packed schedules, and busyness to get in the way of people who truly need help. They are what's important. You'll always have something that needs immediate, urgent attention. That's life! But ask God to give you discernment so you don't ignore sincere cries for help. Ask Him, "How would You want me to treat this person?'"

If I am busy with the urgent things then people who are important are not going to find me to be approachable. "To become more like Jesus, purpose and pray to be approachable like He was...and still is to you today and every day." Do not get discouraged by the ones that do approach you and take your time, but do not take your advice. Jesus had this happen many times also. Elizabeth notes about the events in Mark 10:17-22 where the man approaches Jesus and asks how to inherit eternal life. Jesus knew the man valued his money and possessions more than God, but He gave the man the advice knowing the man wouldn't follow Him. There will be people that do this to us, too. We can choose to shy away from being approachable to others, or we can choose to be like Christ and still hold our arms open. "God has gifted and prepared you with the help you can give to so many others who are sincere and desperately need what you have to offer!.........pray for them (the ones that are insincere) and ask God to again give you a heart that seeks to follow Jesus and be approachable. After all, one of the 12 disciples betrayed Jesus and yet Jesus still gave His life and blood as a ransom for those who approach the cross."