12 years ago

You know when people ask you, "Where were you when_________?" and they are significant events you can tell them right away where you were and what you were doing. Well, if you would ask me today, "Where were you 12 years ago today?" I could answer you..."I was lying on a hospital bed waiting for my first baby to finish his journey from my body into this world". You see at this point I had already been in labor for about 36 hours. Since my water broke first it is easy to know when my labor started. We had stayed home for 32 of those hours. We planned to have the baby at home. Unfortunately, I was tired when I went in to labor. My water broke at midnight and we hadn't been to bed yet. Then all the adrenaline kicked in and I couldn't sleep. Even though I wanted to turn the lights on and go outside and walk around, the midwives tried to keep things dark and relaxing. It was November in PA so we already had snow and it was very cold, but I felt the cold would shock me awake and help me. They did eventually turn the lights on and let me go outside, but only for a very short time. As I look back now after 4 more births, I realize I should have fought more for what I wanted. Oh well, it all still went well. Anyway, back to my son making the journey. After 40 1/2 hours from the time my water broke, Michael finally decided to join us on the outside! It's funny now to see that his personality fits his birth story. He is not quick to do anything! It takes him FOREVER to unload or load the dishwasher, gather the trash, do school work that I know he could do a lot faster and really anything, unless it's getting the computer out to play Minecraft, he does really slow. When the second one came along and got older we joked that she would jump off of something and then look back to see how high it was and Michael would stand and evaluate the height, the wind speed, etc before making the jump and then decide it wasn't worth the risk. I am glad after 40 1/2 hours he decided it was worth the risk to come out and meet us!

I'm not a real sentimental person. I don't sit every year on their birthdays thinking about the years past. Yes, the time is going fast, but I guess I'm so focused on getting through it that I don't think about the past, at least not until I see an old picture and remember how little they were. For whatever reason, this year I have been thinking about the last 12 years. We celebrate three of the kids' birthdays in November. There are significant things that happened with each birth and I could talk all day about all 5 of our kids' births, but I do understand not everyone wants to hear about them and I try to be respectful of that. We have found them to be such a joyous time and we just like to talk about them.

I have thought a lot the last couple of days about how much Michael is growing and maturing. Sure there are times that he still disobeys, whines and complains, annoys us about Minecraft, and is just a kid. But, he is also at times a very good older brother. He can be a good helper with his youngest sister, Eva, unless it involves changing a poopy diaper. He will build a whole city of Legos with his younger brother and play card and board games with his other sisters. There are times that he and Lydia will sit and read a book together. I find all of these times to show the sweet side of him and I try to remember those as I'm trying not to be frustrated with his attitude or slowness. Michael was such an easy baby. He slept through anything and was very laid back.

I don't really know what the purpose of writing this was. In my head the last few days I've had the perfect way of writing this and all the right words, but of course as I have time and sit to write it today, it's not coming out the same. I will be letting him read this later so I just want to say.....Michael, I love you so much! I do see you growing and maturing. I know sometimes I expect more from you than you are capable of doing, but I also know you are capable of doing so much more than you realize yet. I pray you will grow into a godly man just like your dad. I pray you will desire to always seek God first. And I can't wait to see what God does with you as you continue to grow. HAPPY 12th BIRTHDAY, MICHAEL!!

"You're Sick"

"You're sick." This was my husband reply to a text today, trying to encourage me. 

After dealing with the kids fighting off and on all morning and not feeling well, I got upset with them and said things that weren't kind. I decided to soak in the tub and read. I was hoping it would help me relax and feel better. I text him and told him I was sorry. I was not mad at him or the kids. I told him "I guess my expectations weren't meeting my reality and I wasn't adjusting my expectations". He tried making me feel better by telling me it wasn't my expectations, it was that I was sick. I knew he was trying to help, but I didn't want that excuse. I was expecting the kids to be good and helpful (like they had been the last 2 days while he was gone) and I wanted them to take care of things and me. How messed up is that?! Of course, my husband would like to be helping out more and taking care of me, but he was gone 2 days and I'll be gone Friday night and Saturday so it's a busy and off week from our normal schedule. I am trying not to put expectations on him that he can't meet.

Anyway, this about the expectations all started on Sunday. I was home Sunday with two sick kids. I was listening to Revive our Hearts (https://www.reviveourhearts.com/radio/revive-our-hearts/relational-longings/) where the speaker was talking about unfulfilled longings. This was the statement that stood out to me....

"I’m starting to realize that a lot of the (what we call in counseling terms) “presenting problems,” the reason that you call and say, “Help me!” . . . I’ve never had someone call and say, “Help me, because my expectations don’t match my reality. I’m not sure how to do that biblically.”

But they call and say, “I am angry all the time,” or “I’m depressed,” or whatever it is. A lot of that when we get to the root of it is, “How do I learn to thrive with unfulfilled longings? What do I do with circumstances not being what I expect?” It shows itself in statements that maybe you’ll recognize; nothing’s ever good enough.

That's it! This is me! When she goes on to ask women what some typical expectations are these are some that are mentioned....

1. My children are going to obey everything I tell them to.

2. My husband will meet all my needs!

3. My kids will always eat what I make.

4.  “I’m going to be happy!”

5. If I don’t eat certain things I’ll lose weight!

6. We read the Bible and expect our spiritual life to be instantly better!

There are more, but do any of these sound familiar? They did to me! I don't know about you, but in this fast-paced world I find myself thinking I should see immediate results in everything. I can go to a restaurant and get food within 5 minutes, turn on the computer and look up anything and have it on my screen in just a few seconds, I expect to call customer service and get answers right away, and so on and so on. So, why can't I start eating healthier and exercising and see weight loss within 1 day?! Why is it that I have to keep telling my kids every day to brush their teeth, or shower, or pick things up and on and on? Why can't they just figure it out after I tell them the first time? I have a great husband, great kids, a house, a car, no ongoing disease or chronic issues....so why can't I just be happy?

I was really dreading the time that Paul was going to be gone since he wouldn't be home till Tuesday night after the kids went to bed. On Monday, after Paul left at 6 am, the kids and I got up and one more was sick. Monday evening I was able to send this text to Paul, my mom, and a couple praying friends.....

"Thanks for the prayers. I was really dreading today and tomorrow with Paul gone and the kids being sick. We've had a pretty good day. I didn't have a lot of expectations of getting anything done and that helped. Michael and Grace made their own monopoly games...which took most of the day and we made pretzels for Levi's science project...we've been trying to do them since last Monday. They've all played well together and been good helpers when needed.

...I realized that's totally me (I shared the above thought from Revive our hearts about the expectations not meeting reality). The reason I get so out of sorts is because my reality isn't meeting my expectations. What needs to change is my expectations!"

At this point, the 4th kid had a slight fever. I wasn't feeling good, but figured I was just tired. I had gone a whole day with only getting out of sorts about something twice and I quickly got over it (and apologized to the kid involved)!! This was big for me! I have realized I have gotten into a rut of thinking that I HAVE to yell and nag to get the kids to listen. This is just how I am....I just get frustrated easily and I can't do anything about it. My life is just hard! WRONG!!!

My life is hard because I have chosen to believe that my expectations should be my reality and that's just not going to happen. Now I'm not saying I can't expect my kids to behave and obey, stick with a workout and eating plan, or even stop yelling and nagging....what I am saying is I can't expect that to happen overnight. I need to make sure my expectations are things that can be met and if not, then I need to change them.

Like I said, I'm not feeling well so I hope this all makes sense. :-)