Sorry,
I hope the title wasn't too deceiving, but this isn't really about
giving you the proper ways to use a dishwasher. I'm sure someone has
already written about that! No, this is more on how NOT to put
motivation into what people say or do. Let a comment be just that, a
comment or observation. Let me explain.
Paul
and I were married on July 3, 2004. In August of 2004 we moved from
IL to PA. We lived in a one bedroom apartment in the basement of my
sister-in-laws' parents' house. The kitchen had a dishwasher, but it
was one of those that you had to hook the hose up to the sink each
time you wanted to run it. The way the kitchen was set up, the
dishwasher was not close to the sink, so we had to load it up and
then roll it over to the sink and hook it up. We had only been living
there a short time when my in-laws, Wayne & Carole, came to
visit. I didn't really think I was nervous about them visiting, but I
realized later I was. One day while they were there, I pulled the
dishwasher over to the sink, hooked it on, and flipped the lever up
to turn on the water. Then I started the dishwasher. Carole then
walked over and turned the water to hot while making a comment that
it needed to be on hot to run properly. Here I had just been turning
the water on wherever this whole time because I thought the
dishwasher would heat up the water. How dare she tell me how to run
this dishwasher! It's not like it was my first one! Ok, well it was
my first one, but still she didn't have to make me feel like I didn't
know how to clean my dishes! I guess she thinks I can't clean a house
or cook or take care of her son! These were the thoughts I had....all
from just her changing the setting of water temperature. Fortunately,
I married a great guy that was able to calm me down and talk me
through this time. It wasn't that big of a deal and he really didn't
think his mom meant anything by it. And you know, to this day I still
don't know if it matters where the water temperature is set!
I
am so thankful for a husband that was able to tell me to just calm
down and not to give motivation to something said. Oh and did I
mention that years later, when Carole and I had become good friends,
I mentioned this incident to her? And guess what? She didn't even
remember making the comment!!! Here I had hung onto this for years
(not bitter, but just remembering it) and she hadn't even remembered
saying it! Now we laugh about it, but I am so glad that my reaction
to her comment didn't ruin the relationship that we were able to
establish and that has grown over the years. I could have become so
bitter about that and thought that every comment she made had some
other meaning behind it. If I was offended by the comments, then I
would definitely be offended that every time she comes to my house
she cleans! But, I'm not offended, because I know that cleaning and
doing things for me is her way of showing her love to me. I love
having her come and help around the house! But, our relationship
could have gone different if I hadn't realized her comment was just
that, a comment....an observation.
Now,
fast forward a few years...I found myself this past weekend at my
in-laws house once again having a discussion about dishwashers. And
as I think about it, I think almost any time we are together and the
dishwasher is loaded, a conversation about it comes up. This weekend
the conversation turned toward if you should put sharp knives and
cookware in them. I have always been told dishwashers dull your sharp
knives and can ruin your cookware so I don't put either in there. At
the time of the conversation I was laughing to myself because I was
thinking how funny it is that our conversations seem to always go to
the dishwasher. But, later as I was thinking about the conversation
and about that first incident, I realized that I may have done the
same thing as Carole. You see, my newest brother-in-law was a part of
the conversation. He was the one that said they put their knives and
cookware in the dishwasher. Here I was telling him what WE do. I was
just sharing information...making a comment. Now, I know he is a guy
and probably didn't think twice about it, but he could have easily
taken my comment as offensive.
As
I thought about this all more, I thought about how many times Paul
has told me I put motivation in things people say or do.....a lot.
How many times have I taken a “little comment” or “observation”
that someone said and thought they meant something mean? It's not the
person speaking to me that is at fault, I am. I am the one adding
things to what they said and then get upset or bitter over it. I am
the one with the wrong attitude. I am the one that suffers then. As I
use my dishwasher each day I hope it will be a reminder to me to
remember what I've learned.
“Love...is
ever ready to believe the best of every person...” 1
Cor. 13:7 (Amplified)
